#40D4W – Day 19 – 31: Mid-Wife Crises

January 19 – 31, 2016

I was feeling guilty for a while – to the point of giving up on everything ManHusbandDad – because I wasn’t living up to my self-imposed Forty Days for Wife obligations…until I realized I had been. The thing I wasn’t keeping up with was writing about them. And that made me think I still have a lot of narcissism to let go, because telling potential readers about them was fulfilling my need to be important to people I don’t even know.

So for the last two weeks I have been fulfilling my God-imposed obligations that I freely accepted and embraced in my covenantal bond of Holy Matrimony. That’s what it really is. The fact that I’m focused for forty days, sure, means something and is a vehicle to forming a habit – but I was beating myself up as I looked at what I had done the last three weeks thinking what a schlub and slob I was for not doing them before.

But I was falling into the trap that society has laid for Men, Husbands, and Dads: I was convincing myself that I had been worthless.

Well, that’s a bunch of bull.

Now, every day that is missing between the last post and this one is represented here. And it’s not for you, it’s for me: A damned fine ManHusbandDad.

In no particular order I…

• Patrolled the house in the wee hours, gun in hand and dog by side, while everyone else slept soundly, after hearing an unfamiliar sound;
• Drove some two thousand miles for everyone else;
• Convinced a family member to go to their caucus in Iowa;
• Made dinner;
• Souped up the side dishes for dinner;
• Baked a cake;
• Taught my oldest boy the next step in Being a Man;
• Changed a light bulb;
• Kept our room clean;
• Calculated insulin pump settings;
• Folded more clothes than I can remember;
• Put gas in the car
• Often.
• Said I didn’t care where God wanted us to be. And meant it.
• Bought medicine;
• Did not express my anger inappropriately (that would suffice for each of every day’s sacrifice!)
• Graded school work;
• Taught history, math, spelling, theology, grammar, manners, etiquette, and driving.
• Juggled the post-Christmas finances that every January tends to present;
• Did the taxes;
• Mourned

There’s more, and I probably won’t post them, and I may not even complete the posts for the rest of this Lent. It’s a nice exercise – but I’m not trying to impress anyone – just trying to make me better.